Sammy's Soullessness comes in Handy
by Dementors hate chocolate
Summary: What happens when Sam and Dean meet a Dementor? And what will Harry, Ron and Hermione do about it? Season 6 Supernatural, post-war Harry Potter. Crazy oneshot crackfic, some minor swearing by Dean! Please R&L&R! {Read and Laugh and Review!}


**I don't own Supernatural.**

**A crackfic I came up with today while writing a Harry Potter fic. Had to stop in the middle of writing that one before I lost my muse for this. Hope it was worthwhile! Enjoy!**

**Time line: season 6, after episode 7, "Family Matters" where Dean learns Sam's soul is gone gone away.**

**Sammy's Soullessness comes in Handy**

Sam handed Dean the newspaper, and Dean took it, glancing at his now soulless brother.

"I think I found something." Sam pointed to an article, and tried to ignore the way Dean was watching him. "Five mysterious deaths, no signs of any damage to the bodies, no poison, nothing. The police are stumped, the doctors are stumped."

Dean grunted noncommittedly and Sam sighed. "Look, I know you don't want to hunt with me, but I'm still your brother, and you're going to have to work with me until we can figure out a way to get my soul back."

Dean pushed the paper back into Sam's hands. "Fine. But you are not my brother. You're not Sammy." He pulled the Impala keys out of his pocket, and headed to the car. Sam followed, annoyed at his fellow hunter. Who cares if he didn't have a soul? There were things to hunt and kill, and that's what he wanted to do; that was his purpose. Not having a soul just made him a better hunter.

**8888888**

"This is where the killings have been happening?" Dean asked, pulling up to the curb in front of a string of stores. He glanced around, surveying the small town; the little mom and pop shops, the neat houses, the children laughing and playing in the sun. It looked like it could be on a postcard. Dean shuddered at the perfect-ness of it all.

"Yeah. This is it."

"Well, let's poke around, shall we?"

Sam nodded, opening the door to get out and hitting a garbage can with the edge of the door. Dean glared at him.

"What?"

"I swear to God, you son of a bitch, don't you dare mess up my car, or they'll be no body left to go to when we get your soul back."

Sam put up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Alright, alright."

Dean growled before closing his own door carefully and patting the hood of the car. "It's okay, baby, he won't hurt you again."

Sam rolled his eyes and followed his brother.

**888888**

"So all the victims were killed in the local park, a few hours after sunset, and the people who found the bodies reported feeling a terrible cold that seeped through them. They had horrible thoughts, reliving their worst memories, and felt like they'd never be happy again." Sam summarized as he and Dean left the town police station, tucking their FBI badges back into their suits.

"It happened at night...it has to be a..a.." Dean let out a breath. "I have no idea."

"Why don't we go to the park now?" Sam pointed at the setting sun. "By the time we get there, it'll be dark, and maybe the thing will come out."

Dean looked at him strangely. "You just wanna go right in without knowing what it is or how to kill it?"

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Are you afraid?" he mocked quietly, and Dean glared at him.

"Get in the car. We're going to the park." Dean said, stomping off in furry. How dare Sam..or whatever he-it- was, insinuate that he was scared! He was going to lose it and beat the crap out of that soulless bastard, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

**888888**

Sam followed Dean through the towering trees in the park, keeping his gun handy just in case.

"Hey, come out, whatever you are!" Sam shouted, and Dean punched him on the arm.

"Quiet, you idiot. We don't want it to know we're here."

"We have to make it come out, so we can kill it." San explained slowly, as if speaking to a three-year-old.

Dean balled his fists up and used all his will to contain his urge to knock his brother unconscious.

"What was that?" Sam asked suddenly, spinning around to point his gun at a spot behind them.

"What?" Dean passed his eyes over the thick shadows, trying to detect any movement.

A black-robed figure that blended into the darkness suddenly glided over to them. It grabbed Sam's face, and the hood that covered its head fell back.

"Holy shit!" Dean cursed; the thing was ugly with a capital U! It had grey scabbed skin that stretched over empty eye sockets, and it had a gigantic gaping mouth.

"Dean!" Sam screamed as the creature lowered its mouth onto Sam's, latching its mouth tightly down. It began sucking strongly, taking deep rattling breaths. Sam flailed against the creature, and delivered a well aimed kick to it, which made it stumble backwards.

"Help! I've been violated! Sexual harassment! Help!" Sam screamed, running around in circles wiping his mouth and spitting to rid the taste of the creature from himself. Dean fired his gun at the creature, but it didn't have any effect.

Sam fell to the ground and threw up in the grass as the creature glided towards Dean.

Dean fired the gun again, moving backwards. He had no idea what this thing was, or how to stop it. They were in deep crap. Why did he ever listen to soulless Sammy? Yeah, hunting something unknown in the dark was a great idea.

Suddenly a bright green light in the shape of a stag charged at the creature, and it blew apart into millions of grains of dust that drifted softly to the ground.

"What the hell?" Dean muttered as he watched three figures approaching them from the darkness.

"Dean, that thing kissed me!"

"Yeah, Sam, I don't care." Dean kept his gaze focused on the figures.

"It was disgusting!"

"No doubt." Dean kept his gun raised, pointing at the figures. They were carrying something like a torch; the tip of the objects glowed with bright light, bathing the area with a healthy glow.

"It worked!" a boy's amazed voice broke through the silence. It had a definite British accent to it. "The Patronus Charm combined with Avada Kedavra..I was afraid it wouldn't work."

"Don't be an idiot, Ron. We tested it, and Hermione came up with it, so it had to work." another male voice issued forth. This one was British too.

"Shut up, the both of you." a female voice said. "There's two men there."

"Hey." Dean called. "Who are you?"

The three figures finally got close enough so Dean could see their faces. They were three kids, no more then twenty. A tall red-haired boy was grinning at a frizzy brown-haired girl, and the be-speckled black-haired kid between them was looking at Dean in interest.

"Is he okay?" the Frizz girl pointed at Sam who was still on the ground. "The demen- I mean I saw the creature kissing him, is he still- alive?"

Sam stood shakily. "Oh, that was horrible! Like it was was sucking my insides out."

"Some French kiss, huh, Sam?" Dan chuckled despite himself.

Ginger glanced at Glasses. "How is he still-" Glasses shook his head to cut Ginger off.

"Are you hunters?" Dean asked, keeping his gun poised on the three.

"You can lower your weapon, sir. We are hunters, of a sort. That creature, it's called a dementor. We're hunting them." Frizz Girl explained in that whiney British accent.

"Never heard of them." Dean said. No way was he going to lower his gun for three strangers.

"They're from Britain. They've.. ah... migrated here. We're tracking them down and destroying them." Glasses said.

"Well, what was that you did that destroyed it? That light?" Sam asked, wiping his mouth again.

"We can't tell you, trade secret." Glasses said.

"Look, Glasses, you're gonna tell us cause if we run into something like that again-" Dean snapped, but Ginger interrupted.

"Hey," Ginger said angrily. "We have some questions of our own. Those things Kiss you to suck out your soul. How come your friend is still alive?"

Dean let out a breath. "He's just messed up, okay? No need to know more then that."

"Then we can't tell you how we killed the dementor." Ginger said stubbornly.

"It didn't kill me because I don't have a soul to be sucked out, but that doesn't mean it still wasn't unpleasant." Sam whined.

"You don't have a soul?" Glasses' eyes became wide behind his spectacles. He glanced at Ginger and the Frizz. "Voldemort?" he questioned quietly, and the other two shrugged.

He turned back to the two men. "What do you know about magic?"

"What? Like voodoo and witches?" Dean asked, confused.

All three suddenly pointed sticks at Sam.

"Are you Voldemort?" Glasses screamed in Sam's face, and he flinched.

"Voldemort? What are you talking about?" Sam questioned.

"It's Voldemort, resurrected! Its got to be! Or someone making Horcruxes!" Glasses shouted, and Ginger gripped his shoulder tightly. "Bloody hell, Harry, calm down, we don't know for sure, we should think about this-"

"No! The Wizarding world is under attack again! I must save it! Avada Kedavra!" Glasses a.k.a. Harry shouted, and a green light burst out of the stick and hit Sam. Sam fell to the ground, limp and lifeless.

"Sam!" Dean fell to his knees and checked his brother's pulse. "Oh, crap. Sam!" How the hell was this going to work now? Sam's soul was still intact in hell, but now his body was dead.

"You killed my brother!" Dean leapt to his feet. "I don't know who you thought he was, but he saved the whole frigging world by jumping into hell with Lucifer! He sacrificed himself, let Lucifer possess his body! He saved your asses, and you just destroyed him! I'll never be able to get his soul out of the pit now!"

The three kids gaped at him, unsure what to do.

"I think we should leave." Ginger said.

"Should we Obliviate him, or just-" the Frizz said awkwardly, and Glasses a.k.a. Harry said, "He's crazy, let's just go before something else happens."

"You killed his brother, Harry! I told you to cool it with your conspiracies! You need to see a therapist. Now you didn't listen, and see what happened? You killed a muggle!" the Frizz grabbed his arm and dragged him away, followed by Ginger, who mouthed, "Sorry" at Dean. Dean watched as the three disappeared into the darkness.

"What the hell just happened?" he screamed into the dense trees.

"I have no idea, but whoever they are, we should hunt them down and kill them for trying to kill me."

Dean whirled around at the sound of Sam's voice. Sam was getting up off the ground, brushing leaves and twigs from his pants.

"How are you alive? I thought whatever they did to you killed you." Dean hugged Sam tightly and Sam gave a grimace.

"I thought you didn't trust me, and now you're hugging me?"

"I didn't realize it, but you've grown on me. Besides, if anything happened to your body, where would Sam's soul go? How would that even work? And how are you even alive?" Dean asked again in disbelief.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. It was like I blacked out for a second, and then I was back."

"Maybe since you don't have a soul, you can't die." Dean mused.

"I don't know. What I do know is I never want to be kissed again. I think I'm scarred for life, Dean. I'm traumatized"

"More girls for me." Dean chuckled. "How about we get out of here? I feel like we're being watched. That thing gave me the creeps."

The two started making their way out of the forest, and a ghostly figure appeared behind them. The man had long flowing white hair and a matching beard, and bright blue eyes behind half-moon spectacles.

"Nice asses," he whispered as he watched the two men turned their back on him and departed.

**hope you like this crazy nonsense fic. I know I enjoyed writing it!**

**Please review! All comments welcome! But Dementors don't like flamers! Watch out, or get your soul sucked! Wooooo! :)**

**I know muggles normally can't see dementors, but Dean and Sam have powers! {no, really they do! Teehee, for the purpose of this story, anyway} **


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